Throughout my
life, I have been tortured with that thought, while never regretting for a
second that I am half-Chinese.I went to a Catholic school, where most of the
students were Chinese-Indonesians. In Australia or other Asia-Pacific countries
it is easy to find other ethnic Chinese of any nationality. I taught in schools
where the majority of students and faculty members were Chinese-Indonesians.
And there’s the
church.
But my areas of study pushed me away from them.
Whether in media studies or international relations, it was difficult to meet
ethnic Chinese of any nationality. I developed strong friendships with
Indonesian students from other departments, but at first there were hitches.
Some associated my neurosis and crankiness with the stereotypical Chinese
traits of being stingy and arrogant. After we understood each other, I
eventually heard the exclamation, “You’re different from the other Chinese”.
Asian migrants found refuge and better lives in
Australia, but their influence on Australian culture and identity is still
disputable. There are Asian-Australian comedians, TV actors and entrepreneurs,
but it would be hard to find Asian-Australian movie stars, top models and
elected or appointed executives. Last year the federal race discrimination
commissioner, Tim Soutphommasan, suggested that Asian-Australians faced a
“bamboo ceiling” that blocked their promotions, while in April the Asian
Australian Lawyers Association claimed that the ceiling prevented law firms
from choosing Asian-Australians as partners. Similar claims appear in the US,
Canada and New Zealand, whether in universities, show business, or
corporations.
On the other hand, Asians, especially East Asians,
are seen worldwide as hardworking, law abiding and peaceful. Not just in
Indonesia, ethnic Chinese in the US (along with other Asian ethnicities) have
on average become the richest racial group and are also the ones that stay out
of jail. Just like the mixed nature of living qualities in Asian Tiger
countries (high income, high stress), living qualities for Asians in the West
seem contradictive.There is also the question of a sex life. East Asian men
seem to be the least desirable romantic and sexual partners, whether in the
West or Southeast Asia.
All East Asian economics (including Singapore)
worry that their populations will decline and Japan regularly features as the
country with the least sex frequency between married couples. In the second
half of the 2000s, several Asian-Americans started popular blogs highlighting
the casual racism of American media and the lack of a sensible fashion sense
and assertive manner among Asian-American men. They believed these two things
(plus the rigid parenting of Asian-American parents) had made Asian men look
unattractive. Of course, it is not just in America.
Their proposals (and business pitches) of
creating “Alpha Asians” — Asian men living like James Bond — attracted not only
lonely hearts in the West, but even East Asian governments, which created
television shows on dating coaching and launched initiatives to help working
singles find matches. TV programs on seduction skills are being made, including
in Indonesia.
Something funny happened on the way to cathedral.
A good number of the blogs and the dating clinics were not only suggesting good
shoes and fitness plans, but also an aggressive night life style. Some even go
as far in making a fetish of white women (as sex partners instead of steady
girlfriends), in order for Asian guys to break the mindset barrier that they
have to date Asian women only.Years later, I learned that these dating gurus
were part of the Pick-Up Artist subculture, which became popular in the
mid-2000s. Many of them were nerds who changed their looks and attitude,
believing that they had to become their own legends. Sadly, they carry on the
Pick-Up Artist mindset that emphasizes casual sex rather than serious
relationships.
Three years had passed since “Linsanity” and
now Jeremy Lin is a regular basketball player. Shinji Kagawa is a cult
footballer, but he is not a world-record beater. Psy is a one-hit wonder. So
who is the living model of the Alpha Asian, the rival to Jay-Z, Lionel Messi,
or even Mark Zuckerberg? American chef Eddie Huang was making his mark in
America, as his memoir has been adapted into a comedy show and been renewed for
a second season. He, however, lost many followers after being embroiled in a
Twitter debate with African-American women after saying on television that the
black woman is the female counterpart of the Asian man in terms of sexual
attractiveness. He handled the debate badly and employed sexist (and probably
self-mockingly racist) slurs.
Journalists highlighted that he’s one of
several successful Asian-American bad boys who are unapologetically
misogynistic just to prove that they are not stereotypical Asian nerds. I have
seen too many of them in Indonesia and Southeast Asia. The dating gurus are
right when they say, “Be a strong guy, not a nice guy,” but being strong is not
the same with being a jerk. Being a rude playboy apparently doesn’t persuade
Westerners or Southeast Asians that the East Asians are to be reckoned with. It
doesn’t make the Alpha Asians live happier either.
Racism is a mountain to move, so it’s important
for Asians in the West and ethnic Chinese in Southeast Asia to get in on the
conversation and lead the action. It’s pretty useless to get angry online and
yet be passive in the street. More importantly, don’t let your struggle against
racism spill into hatred against other parties, be it women, other races, or
people with different sexual orientations. Respect them like you want to be
respected.
The writer Mario Rustan, is a columnist for feminist website
Magdalene
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